Monday, August 6, 2012

Serious, who reads this stuff

My blog count for viewing is going up... who the hell is reading this crap?  I have some followers but that was when I started this for my kung fu class phase, that didn't last too long.

Anyways...I got a call from my doctor with the results of my diabetes test.  Looks like I'm slowly killing myself.  Something needs to be done about this.  I don't really eat much but I do sneak in a bad food now and then.  That needs to stop.  I think I need to exercise more, get my inner Jane Fonda and Richard Simmons out.

Everything going same with him.  I cook and do everything I can to keep him happy and so far its working BUT.. yes a big BUT.. he still feels the same.  I asked him if his feelings are gettting better towards me and his reply "i don't know".  Which means nothing has changed with him.  I hate that I am giving my 100% and he is doing nothing but soaking all this good shit i'm throwing at him and enjoying the "good life".  We are suppose to go to the marriage couselor this friday.  I really don't know what good that will do.  I have a feeling anything negative I say or.. lets say "creative critism", he will take it as i'm being a bitch again.  Honesly, will a therapist really help?  I mean if you really think about it, no one can help you but yourself.  YOU need to be the one doing the changes. 

I've been also thinking of him going back home to california on Sept 1st.  At first it was my idea and this was said about a few months ago.  He will be getting hip surgery at the end of Sept so I thought it would be a good idea to go home before the surgery to see is family.  It was suppose to be a 1 week thing which turned out to be a 3week trip now.  What I've been thinking, he will either not miss me and enjoy his time without me, come back home and have this HUGE negative change again that he does not want to be with me anymore cuz he got a taste of back home life again OR, he will totally miss me and snap out of his crazy moodiness and things will get better.  I am not sure if this thing he is doing is an 'act' to get back at me or he really feels like he has fallen out of love with me.  One time he will be all nice then like we just teleported to alaska and all this cold weather is fallen all around me.

I was suppose to get my hair done today, but didn't make it.  So instead my mom and I went to the P.X. and I bought like $100.00 worth of make-up stuff.  They say when you are down sometimes shopping for a girl makes her feel better and they were right.  It was a nice pick-me-up.

So now I have 2 things to really focus on.. my school and losing weight to control this diabetes crap.  I'm thinking this might play a huge part of why i could never get pregnant.... my sugar levels are way high.. need to research that more.

I know there will be alot of jumping topics and misspelling.... now we know my mind is racing 100MPH and I can't spell worth shit.  I think with more practise with my thoughts on this blog I should get better.

God Give me Strength

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