Monday, August 13, 2012

August 12, 2012

For the past few days things are going better.  He is starting to act like his old self and showing me love and affection now.  I still have my guard up and will continue to do what I have to do.  Something I should have done a long time ago.  My aunt and mom told me about this, to be prepare for this moment.  I didn't listen cuz I was stupid and thought everything will be perfect and fine.  Nothing is a fairytale.

Today though, he did make me cry.  I went to check up on him in his computer room.  He was playing his online game as usual and on his 2nd computer he had facebook up.  As I was standing there  I notice a message from some female.  He said she was an old friend.  The message said something along the lines of... 'sweetheart,, thinking of you,, we had history together even before (another girlfriend's name here)..I want to talk to you.. blah blah blah blah'.  Somehow this hit me a little.  I just gave him a look and walked away to my room.  He sense something was wrong and came to check up on this time I was crying a river. 

He asked what was wrong and I told him.  I am hurt by him talking to her in this manner.. or she talking to him.  I told him he is very disrespectful of me to do that.  He assured me that it was nothing and he was totally not interested in her.  He was just talking to her as a friend and didn't even realize what message she sent him.  What hurts is that he didn't put a line to this.  In my opinion he should have told her to not talk like that and respect him as a marriage man.  He continue to comfort me and tried his best to make sure I understood that he loved me and she meant nothing and its just a friendship type thing.  He reminded me of how friendly is he to everyone.. which is true.  He was always the type of person that makes lots of friends.  And thoughout the years he has only showned me that he is just friends with them... espeically any females.  Which is why I NEVER got jealous, cuz he never made me feel that way. 

He was very sincere about what is going on and that he only loves me.  You might wonder why the sudden change from the cold shoulder to the love again.... Well, not sure if I had mentioned it but a few days ago I heard him say. "i was just trying to teach you a lesson".  Which meant he wanted to open my eyes to see how much I loved him and to show it more often, which I am right now.  But deep down inside he said he always loved me and that will never change.  He may be sad when i'm a bitch but he still loves me.  I guess I should take that.  Yeah.. thanks for putting me through some serious stress!

Again.. my guard is up and i'm still going to do what I have to do to make sure, if he does really leave this marriage... i'm complete ok and can take care of myself.

"Just for today, no matter where I am going, or what I am doing, or who I am doing it with, it is my intention to focus on the positive." - Lucy MacDonald

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